switched off

i don't know why but i seem to be on an 'off' mode for the past few weeks.
i was so looking forward for something only to have written the event on a wrong date on my PDA. then yesterday, i was looking at a date for a scheduled meeting and got the date mixed up again.
i feel very detached too lately. like i'm living in my own world and i'm looking at everyone else through an invisible glass.
on another note, the programme manager seems to be in a very good mood. since he came back from an overseas working trip last week. first, he gave me a wink, an actual wink (where you blink an eye at a person) when i was giving him an update of some things about work. then just now, he bought 2 booklets of a carnival ticket and gave them to me telling me to enjoy myself.
only one thing i can say is, that man is really unpredictable. just last year when i was asking for a loooong leave he almost gave a lecture.
anyway, tomorrow's a public holiday. greetings to those who celebrate Vesak Day and enjoy the off day to the rest.
ps : PC show starts tomorrow (31/05/07) till sunday (03/06/07).

getting older

i don't know if it's just me, or it's just the way life is turning into when you get older, or it's just the way people still thinks.
a few months ago, an aunt sms-ed and asked if i would be interested if she introduces me to a guy. that's not the issue. the issue is, he's a widower with 2 children. i don't have time to take proper care of myself, let alone another person, and she's suggesting an additional baggage??!!
then, yesterday, a cousin called. she was asking if i'd be interested in this guy she knows. one of the information she gave, he's a divorcee.
while i have absolutely nothing against those who's ever been married. you have your reasons, i'd rather stay away. far, far, away. i may be single but NOT desperate ok. there's still plenty of single guys around. i personally know of a few.
anyway, i'm still quite happy the way i am right now. with my current situation, i don't have the time to maintain any relationships other than the ones i have right now. (read : the family friends/colleagues).
i really don't have the time and energy to start getting to know a new person. actually, this is the reason why i don't date. i have a strict no dating policy because i hate the ritual. you feel so awkward and insecure. talk too much you sound like you are bragging. talk too little and you sound like you're not interested.
another thing is i don't like going out cos i'm only free on the weekends and that's when everyone else is free too so it's so crowded everywhere. then the phone conversations. something i avoid and make it really quick if unavoidable.
anyway, this is just me. disagree if you think it's nonsense, but i'm not going to argue. there's always the 'X' button on top.

the unpredictable cycle called life

this news hit a little close to home, Innalillah.
this sad event was turned into a mini paparazzi affair when we were watching the malay news last night.
some members of the extended family turned into mini stars when the sis, the father and me excitedly identified them :D
anyway, lets just recite Al Fateha to everyone we know who has 'left' us.
Amin

that's me

Q : what happens when miscommunication meets misunderstanding and me?
A : a totally screwed up plan with me getting screwed
it's like a nightmare while you're awake. you want to wake up but you are already awake. i was afraid something like this might happen and it finally did.
and another note, please don't just presume that you know that i got offended by something said. i do get upset with certain words directed to me, but i do not get offended. getting offended just takes up too much energy. i'd rather spend the energy somewhere else.

screwed (almost)

exams coming in exactly one month's time and i haven't start any revision yet!
i'm so screwed...

when??!!

next time i want to go on vacation, i'll do the planning.
no more joining somebody else, especially that particular somebody.
what a weekend. i'll be right under the coconut shell if anybody is looking for me......

update of previous post

i have decided not to follow through to lodge a report, although i have not forgiven the person who did it. that person will still have to face the music though. what the people above have planned is up to them to decide. i still have the messages he sent so that can be used to punish him.
right now, the person's is on MC since the day after the incidence. in a couple of days time he will have to be sent to DB for 2 weeks. that will be 2 weeks of relief. for crying out loud, i'm working in a place which is suppose to be safe. to get in there are 2 levels of security to go through. and isn't working is a police base suppose to be safe? if not, i really don't know where else is. sheesh...
i'm supportive of the yellow ribbon project, but if a person who needs to be supported doesn't change their attitude, no projects be it yellow or brown or whatever colour will ever work.

deja vu

one wednesday, 3 weeks ago, i was opening my coin/key pouch, where i keep my daily expenses money nicely folded up, to pay for lunch and discovered my last $4 was missing. to make things worse, the spare $10 i normally keep for emergencies like this was also missing.
i reported this to my programme & project managers but decided not to make too big an issue of this.
then yesterday lunchtime, the same thing happened again. this time i got so agitated cos i just withdrew my money in the morning. luckily it was at the canteen so now i still owe the stall auntie $2 for the meal.
this time, i made a very big hoo haa over the matter and threatened to make a police report. we had our suspect and upon his arrival back to the office, an urgent meeting was held. one of the senior officers made a check of the guys belongings and found nothing.
so, after work, when i was on the bus, the guy called and sms-ed. he admitted that is was in fact him who was the culprit. he begged for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. he was actually just released from prison a month ago for stealing. next week he will be sent to DB for another 2 weeks.
the question is, should i forgive him? as a first-born, i have been programmed to forgive. i can be very stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i am a softie if it involves human beings, especially if it affects their lives.
i strongly believe in karma. the effect of retribution. i will feel a certain level of guilt.
for instance, when i was hospitalised 10 yrs ago, one old lady was making a lot of noise that it made me unable to sleep. so i called a nurse and before i knew it, the old lady was wheeled out of the room and was made to sleep outside the door, to my horror! oh my, the guilt i felt made me shut up the following night and tolerated her rantings the remaining days i was warded.
do drop me a comment or mail or any form of communication. it would be very much appreciated (,")