goodbye 2004

2004 is coming to an end. what a year it has been. many things happened that affected me directly or indirectly. life, death, even near death. whatever it is, it's something to remember by (one of it being this blog...heheh).
- the year 2004 started with a 'bang' for me, dearest sis n 5 of my friends
- then saw dearest sis flying off to australia to pursue further studies
- middle of the year saw dearest sis' close friend experiencing near death too
- then saw dearest bro off to australia to pursue his further studies
(was at peace at home for 4 months :D)
- the tsunami near indonesia that affected many
- and to make a grand finale of the year:

(can't really say it's really the end cos this happened on 30th Dec, but it's somewhere the end already)
wishing everyone a very happy new year and may the new year bring joy to you.

a long day

today had to travel all the way to Jurong for class. stupid organisation shifted location without really thinking of all of us part-timers. oh well free transport provided for a month so will definitely save lots of money for now...heheh
work is getting to be a drag now. it's the end of the year where nobody has the mood to work but this irritating project engineer keeps bugging for everything to be on urgent list. i'm not an octopus u know. even datelines must have a time!! oh boy. this guy is really testing my patience now. he's giving me tension headaches. even thinking of him will make my head woozy :p
anyway been having a blast when it's not doing work time. been really enjoying the company of friends/colleagues. this week has seen me eating till i really want to burst. resolution made every night to not binge eat will be forgotten every morning. have to start on my workout programme again. can't seem to find a best style for now.
ok need sleep now. have to drag myself to work tomorrow morning............

haven't been out all day on sunday in a long time

what a day!! dearest sis actually followed me to a friend's wedding on her own accord. didn't even bother to wake her up but guess who actually called me on my mobile while i was getting ready? she actually called to ask where i am. anyway got there a little late so didn't get to meet the whole gang. only met Mar but she was on her way back.
so after that tagged along sis dearest to Tampines to meet her friends. ended up at Swensen's. ate till we almost burst. i'm still full right now. no, full doesn't really explain it. i'm still stuffed. think it can last me the whole week...heheh
anyway went window shopping and found out LOTR trilogy extended version is finally out. YIPPEEE!! gonna get that as soon as budget allows me to splurge. sis dearest bought WHITE CHICKS. watching it now. so till the next entry...au revoir

mother is sick

came home today to find mother curled up in bed. said she fell sick around 6.30pm. now she's sleeping. hope she'll get better very soon. everytime mother falls sick i feel lost. i don't know what to do. should i fuss over (read : irritate) her like how she normally does when i'm sick? do i just let her lie down and rest like what i would do if i'm sick? oh well she's resting now. just hope and pray that mother will be ok by tomorrow.
on a more happier note, went to watch Ocean's Twelve yesterday. a bit confusing at times but still funny. love the part when Julia Roberts acted as herself. that was really hillarious. motive of show was not that obvious (to me) but still enjoyable. O11 was full of action but O12 was more on talk.
will download O12 soon...heheheh

some tips on how to love yourselves

love yourselves. don't let others make you feel any lesser than what you think you are.

Stop All Criticism - Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Don't Scare Yourself - Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch the scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle And Kind And Patient - Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind To Your Mind - Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself - Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself - Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving To Your Negatives - Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care Of Your Body - Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Mirror Work - Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: "I love you, I really love you."

Love Yourself. Do It Now - Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now -- and do the best you can.

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Count your blessings and not your troubles.
Do not envy and create a devil of yourself.
Life is not a race, stop competing with others aimlessly.
Value yourself and conquer any form of self-doubt and you will be amoured against any other person's criticism or doubt.

what price sacrifice?

got my latest exam results. sad to say it was definitely not what i expected at all. it was not an easy paper to begin with, but i had a little bit of confidence to at least clear the paper. what greeted me was a BIG disappointment. it was an open book exam for crying out loud. i'm really disappointed in myself now. really did not expect anyting like this to happen.
not having time to understand the subect was one of the reasons. i'm not trying to give an excuse here but it's a fact. just last week i was feeling very happy to have sacrificed a little bit of my time to help someone out. now the table has turned on me. been wondering what was in my head when i enrolled in an engineering degree long distance programme. being a full time engineering student in poly was tough enough. taking it part time is really draining. work is already stressful with a reporting officer who gives mixed signals. gives u trust one minute, then takes it back the next. really couldn't spare whatever time i have left for anyone else (except for emergencies). sacrificing my own studies to help another's studies is not aa good idea. it is a noble thing to do to help others, but when it affects your life then i have to say be selfish.
i'm feeling down now. feel so de-motivated to study. the only thing that is keeping me going is the thought of paying the study loan. somebody help me here!!!! i need some help studying.
another thing i really don't understand is why some of the guys in my class keep asking me for help. i'm not a genius. i need help myself. who am i going to ask? it's no use asking for help from the local lecturers. they won't be able to help you like the full time lecturers/professors in the university. going to study again now. will also pray hard to seek strength to be able to make it. Insya Allah.

what is happening?

yesterday, newspaper and news reported that a baby was thrown out from the eighth floor of a block. what was the mother (monster) thinking? even if you are scared that you got pregnant out of wedlock or at a very young age, this is not what you should do. there are many other ways and means to get help. even wild animals don't do this to their young.
yes there are animals who eat up their young, but that is for survival. you don't hear of predatory animals who does that. they hunt other animals but will never hurt their young. there are many other couples who have been trying unsuccessfully for a child but this person just snuffed out a life just like that. it was not known if the baby was still alive or already dead when she was thrown out like a discarded waste. even if she was already dead, this is really not the way.
i just feel really sickened by this. i just hope whoever did this will be caught. hope it will teach a lesson to others who wants to have 'fun' but are ignorant of the consequences.
MAY ALLAH BLESS THE SOUL OF THE INNOCENT CHILD. AMIN.