have a paper to take tomorrow morning. done all the sample exam papers provided in the course notes. gone through them over and over now. not sure of what to do next.
the good news is it's an open book exam. whatever i've done and copied down can be brought in and be used as referral. feeling kinda nervous now and can't sleep. always happen everytime i'm taking a paper since taking up this part time course.
anyway, pray for me. will do my best tomorrow.
haven't been feeling the best of moods lately. i feel so lonely even though i'm surrounded by people all the time.
btw it's my birthday today on the Hijrah Calender. according to that calender, i'm already 28. oh well, age is just a number. most important is health and family.
speaking of family, just heard from a friend that her sis is getting married this July. another friend is getting engaged soon. a few more colleagues getting married...and all are the same age as me...
that's what making me feel so lonely and lost. feels like everyone is deserting you. not being a sour grape but just can't help feel this way. i'm really happy for them and will pray for their happiness.
never really gave much thought about settling down. been too busy concentrating on studies and now career. was a bit taken aback when dearest sis said she's planning to stay together in the future. seems like she's got the same thinking. does this run in the family?? i really wonder...heheh...
really hate it when people, especially aunts/cousins/friends ask the golden question : 'when are you getting married?' or 'when's your turn?' or 'got boyfriend or not?'. feel like telling off by saying mind your own business. what's it to them if i get married or not? i'm not owing anyone a living.
true like i said, i'm starting to feel lonely now. feel like life is passing by too quickly. before you know it, your eyes will close forever. but what can be done when you've never met anyone that can change your mind about the idea of getting hitched. if he can convince me the pros are much, much higher than the cons then you've got me. so far all guys i met gave the same impression. none can change my mind.
i feel much better now that i've got this out. not asking for any sympathy or advice. this is my thoughts and only mine. comments are welcome but, i repeat, keep the advice or words of sympathy. i'm not seeking any of those.
lost my voice over the weekend. it's coming back already. what irks me is the cough that comes along. that is making my throat hurt instead.
had an uneventful weekend. stayed home even though it's mother's birthday last saturday. couldn't think of what to get for her so just went to a CLARINS counter to look for some face lifting cream last friday. she's been swiping some of mine so decided to get something that's more suitable for her age. couldn't afford the price that comes along with the skincare that is meant for matured skin so just got her some samples to try. will get it if they really work.
dearest sis bought a brownie cake for mother. we weren't in a mood to celebrate much after a horrible week last week. still can't believe what happened. am in denial. so many questions that cannot be answered...
tomorrow marks a date that will forever be etched in my memory. an incident that changed my perspective of life. taught me to cherish what i have and not to take things for granted. taught me small issues doesn't matter. treasure what is given to you, be it good or bad.
back to work today. on leave on wednesday and on mc yesterday. cancelled plans to go KL this weekend. don't have the mood to enjoy. still in shock and denial.
only thing in my mind now is the question 'WHY???'. the 'what ifs' scenarios are playing in my head these past few days. how could someone so gentle, so sweet think of such a thing. and to actually execute it is unthinkable.
i never expect such an ending to this. now we will never know exactly why. the question can only be answered by someone not here anymore...
been up since 4am this morning. dearest sis informed that our neighbour who is also a family passed away. on urgent leave for the day. i'm still in shock and denial...
will be taking a short trip over the weekend. will leave for Kuala Lumpur on Thursday night. don't have much plan for shopping. not like dearest sis. she's going to shop till she will literally drop there. heheh...
don't have any plans yet what to get. definite items to get : tudung (lots of them) and cloth for making baju kurung. not forgetting mother's birthday on Saturday. won't be here but will get her something from there. haven't been getting any birthday/special occasion gifts for anyone in my family for ages.
ok, that's all for now. need to take a shower first. have to wash my hair ;-)
after being so happy about the change of reporting officer yesterday, was brought back to reality last night. it occured to me that i am going to miss a chance of working on something that will really boost my career. once i've got my degree in hand, being part of that project will definitely help my chances of upgrading my post. the new team i'm in now specialises on something that is of a smaller scale that is not covered in many sectors.
oh well, at least i'm thankful enough for now. i still have a job. there are many out there who are not working. i'm working in the line that i studied. i know of many who are working outside their line of study. some by choice, some not by choice. so as long as i still have a job, i'd be grateful.
had dinner with the whole family last night. ate till we almost burst and had dessert of ice cream. just as we were enjoying the ice cream the sky decided to burst (we were unprotected). like a flash everyone who were as unprotected as us moved the tables/chairs. what a sight. one second everyone was enjoying the outdoor dinner, another u see tables & chairs almost flying. in a flash everyone (including us) were safely continuing our food indoors...heheh.
was raining cats & dogs this morning. almost wanted to continue sleeping but what to do. have to work. have to clear all backlog before i can start on the new team. my workstation is buried with files/documents now. wish i can just dump them all...arrrggghhh!!!
boss called for urgent meeting today. just came out of the meeting feeling like walking on air. my prayers has been answered. won't be reporting to the project manager who raises his voice whenever he's agitated.
have to say Alhamdulillah that i'll be doing a project that i'm more familiar with. to tell the truth, i'm feeling like a fish out of water with the current project. lots of things to get familiar with. now i'll be doing something i'm better at (even if i say so myself).
have to finish up unfinished business now. lots of things to hand over and take on. but i'm still very, very, very happy :)
2005 looks like a brighter year already after a rather gloomy 2004...
