did it again...but not alone this time

didn't learn the first lesson apparently. travelled all the way to the other end of the island to find out there's no class today!! and as the title indicates, this wasn't the first time. the good news was i met 2 others this time who were in the same boat *LOL*
lucky i had the companion of the trusted MP3 player plugged in my ears and another companion:

this book had me glued to it for the entire journey to and fro. not a short one, mind you. it was almost 2 hours.
there're 9 cases featured and i've finished reading 5 of them. the pictures in it are of the real pictures, not from a reconstructed scenes.
hence the additional label:

as the label says, readers discretion is adviced, so anyone interested to read the book leave me a message in the comment box. be warned, pictures shown, if applicable, are of real pictures from the case files.

to the 'perasan DivaH'

wish u a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! actual present will arrive within the month of September ok. :D

and to all teachers here, Happy Teachers' Day.

be careful of what you wish for

came home just after midnight last night after discussing some problems with a few classmates. i've always been a one woman show but some guys asked me to join them in their study group. group study is good, but everyone must know a bit of something, only then the group study can work.
we were still not sure of the full solutions so i was contemplating taking mc for today. didn't want to lie so was wishing in my heart along the way home that i do get something that justifies taking the mc.
well, yours truly is truly not well. woke up with this great urge to go and do the 'big business'. so the doctor gave me mc for the day. have done the business 3 times already. stomach is churning like the washing machine. but the most important thing here is I'M NOT WORKING!!
at least bought a little bit of time to attempt the problems that i've got to submit online. we are given 3 chances, but by now, it's do and live. can't do and die :)
now i'm waiting for the guys to attempt first then learn from their mistakes and iron out the kinks. then i can attempt mine.
on a lighter note, i've just realised yesterday, 28th Aug, was my anniversary in this job. 5 years already. that's half a decade. how fast time flies. what i've planned back then is being executed. now it's the race to the finish line. after that, let's see.

swinging single

i'm not very amused by the 23rd Aug entry of sis dearest. the amusement factor only lasted a short while.
i do not need anybody telling me what to do with my life. i do not need any 'applicants' to fill whatever void i feel. i am happy the way i am right now.
if society frowns upon unmarried women, then so be it. i am not seeking any alms from anyone. what i need, i get it myself. what i want, i get it myself. if i can afford what i want, i'll get it. if i can't affort it i'll let it go.
i really believe in soulmates. i do believe that there is someone out there who is meant for me. if the time is not now, then it will be in the afterlife. i am in no hurry.
but in the meantime, i do not want anyone to butt in my personal space. how would you feel if someone else voilates your personal space? definitely very irritated and pissed. so please let it be.
WHAT IS MEANT TO BE WILL BE, WHAT IS NOT MEANT TO BE WILL NEVER BE.

resolution i can meet

after going through my stuff, i'm alarmed how high maintenance i am. i can't afford to maintain myself!! face & body products, hair treatment (can't mention any figures here. somebody's eyes may pop out of their sockets), daily expenditures, etc...
therefore, i hearby declare to everybody who reads this blog, i will cut down whatever costs i can cut down.
first to get the axe will be this :
i'm not eating my words here. i still swear by it's efficiency, but it's burning a small but constant hole in my pockets. though it's going to be hard to say goodbye, it's for the best. i really can't afford it anymore now since going for the hair treatment.
this is only the first step. i'll start slowly. can't go cold turkey. stay tuned for what i'm going to get to replace the brand i swear by.
enjoy the remaining weekend c",)

one part down

finally got the correct answer to the calculation i've been slogging over the past week. turned out it was a miscalculation. this is what happens when the brains work faster than the eyes. *sheesh*
now the most tedious part i need to do is answering some theory questions. answering questions is ok. the not-ok part is i have to write about 100 words per question. and this is not including a section where you have to write about your study style. imagine that. you have to tell the examiner your studying method/style. can't you just mark the paper only? *rolls eyes*
i thought studying engineering doesn't require all these kind of work. this is the reason i took up studying engineering in the first place. no long-winded answers required unless it's writing thesis'. oh how wrong it turned out to be. hmph!!
all this is not so bad. after lunch have to see the project engineer. we call him kanchiong spider. have lots of things to do for him now. there goes lunchtime.

what a weekend

hardly slept this weekend. went for a free health checkup at SNEC(SGH) on Sat morning. Sunday went to the cemetary for the burial of a granduncle.
had a really funny dream on sunday morning. felt so real that when i got up, i was kinda disappointed it wasn't real. heheh...
just want to wish Mr Md Noh & brother Mr Md Nazree "SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU". sorry i couldn't make it to your big day. my sincerest apologies ok.
i'm falling asleep right here but i can't go to sleep just yet. got lots of work to do. taking a short break to update this blog.
anyway, it's monday already. have a nice week ahead. don't let the blues get to you.

had a great day today

today was really fun. went to a workshop on photography where i learnt how to make proper use of the digicam i've got. turned out i have been using it as it should be used. learnt some new stuff about taking photos properly.
really interesting and we had so much fun. should have seen us taking photos for the mini-projects. the CISCO guards must be suspecting we were up to something seeing us armed with multiple cameras and taking pictures everywhere *LOL*
not going to upload the pics here. it's a shame to shrink it here. click on the zorpia box on the bottom right.
met these 2 after the workshop:
the brothers with different set of parents

followed them to a coffeeshop for some catching up. lots of stories to tell/listen. talking to them made me realise how fast time flew. this month will mark the 5th year i'm working where i am now. they were one of the first few friends i made in the 'real world'.
now i really feel i've aged so much. where did all the time go? wherever it is, what's important is i had fun along the way. mistakes made and lessons learnt. that made all the time that passed seem like it's just yesterday i left school.
ok, time to log off. have a great weekend to all :)

National Day

Happy 40th Birthday Singapore.

what i did over the weekend

almost spoilt saturday all because of not checking the class schedule properly. wasted almost 2 hours and not forgetting transport fare travelling from one end of singpore to the other end and back.
anyway, it was much better at night and on sunday too.
let the pictures describe the weekend:
Saturday
7 of us squeezed in this


at Mustafa Ctr
model wanna-be

waiting for dinner


Sunday
friend's housewarming/birth of daughter
introducing the daughter of Ashik & Hamimmah (forgot her name)
Ashik's son & daughter
Me & Han
Syahir with new friend


new age artist. had to take the pics of this girl in secret. to take her photo is harder than taking pictures of celebrities.


after painting this is how i can take a picture of her hands.


sunday ended with some heavenly indulgence (thanks to gift voucher)
forgot to take the pic before everone 'attacked'. this is after the 'attack'

best low impact exercise

for those who have not exercised for a looooong time (like me), the best low impact, yet high result exercise i highly recommend is yoga or pilates.
it's not as easy as it looks, but if done correctly, the result is way better that pumping in the gym. not only it stretches those muscles, it also strengthens them from the inside-out. pumping all those equipment only strengthens the muscles from the outside-in.
i love doing the pilates exercise. after just one session, i can feel myself all stretched out. another thing is pilates makes you more graceful. found out that ballet dancers enhance their flexibility and stamina by the pilates method of exercise.
tomorrow will attend one of the classes above. after over a year, just hope the strength is still there to maintain a decent pose (,")

another re-org

the programme manager just re-shuffled the team (again). in the 5 years i've been working here, this will be the 5th job scope. i'm not complaining. gotten so used to the situation already. just have to take it all with a pinch of salt. at least it's a new experience to learn and i still have a job. a well paying one too. Alhamdulillah for that.
other than that, i feel really terrible. am at the lowest point in life. it is said that after a certain age, your body will not be what it used to be. changes will take place whether you like it or not. well i sure am going through that now.
my metabolic rate is not what it used to be. have not been eating right *junk food most of the time*. feel tired all the time, yet can't sleep at night. fitness level is gone with the wind *this is what happens when you suddenly stop after years of intensive working out*. fats is replacing where muscle used to be *muscles DO NOT change into fats*. PMS hits quite badly and the cramp accompanying it is a killer *actually is has always been that way*. i can literally feel myself disintegrating here!
actually had a little push last friday. will be starting *slowly this time* on the fitness. will start going for the exercise classes and gym. hope to see a new me by end of this year, Insya Allah.
can't wait to see the new me. new responsibilities at work and a whole new body. wish me well.

100th post

just being very lame to the max.
have a nice day people (whoever reads this) :)

busy morning

been very busy making calls this morning. none of them are work related though ;)
first call is to terminate a redundant insurance. next to check if the loan company has received the final loan installment. need the money from the savings of that loan account to pay income tax (yes i have to pay income tax even though i'm working in the government sector *sheesh*)
next call to make is for an appointment during lunchtime. then i'm done with phonecalls.
never liked to talk over the phone that much. it takes up to much time and effort. i don't mind the occasional calls just to keep in touch and ask about the general well being of each other. other than that i prefer to send messages. i pay more for my messages than making/receiving calls.
going to send some e-mails now. have a nice mid-week to all!!

coming back

father dearest is coming home today.
after almost a month of peace for mother dearest.
no more blissful sleep for her.

a little better now

things don't look so bleak now. settled some issues that has been weighing me down.
one more issue and really hope that will turn out as i want it to.
*praying hard*

what did i get into?

ok, so i thought things are picking up. seems like it's going to be another long year ahead.
don't want to talk about it and please don't ask. there's nothing anyone can help in this.
you got to do what you got to do...

how low can you go?

another depressing day.
can it get any lower than this?
let's see...

something i really swear by

the best brand i've tried so far :

helps when i need to do the late night studying/mugging :

complemented by this the morning after :

finally, something i was sceptical to use at first but it really works!! :

didn't expect oil to fight oily skin but it's tried and tested. my acne's mostly gone except for the stubborn few. what to do. can't control the sweet tooth...

not funny

over msn last tuesday, sis dearest informed that father couldn't take the cold weather and has decided to return home. this news took me and mother completely off-guard and, as usual, mother started panicking.
mother almost had a nervous breakdown. turned out it was just a joke. it was so not funny ok. we were worried sick over here thinking that father was not well. another announcement like this, we won't believe it, even if it turns out to be true. remember the boy who called wolf?
taking the afternoon off today. going for a little pampering session and to have my baby checked out. can't to a software restore. the file just won't run. spent the whole week with some colleagues trying to do it. did the necessary backing-up. all movies, songs & pictures have been saved.
going to enjoy this weekend. will be the last free weekend. classes starts next week. have to go for a class on saturdays. really don't favour classes on a weekend but what to do.

no motivation

i've lost most, if not all, motivation to work now. waking up brings dread to the heart.
i still love the line i'm in but the work environment is making me feel really unmotivated. the unbreakable habit of procrastination is not helping at all either. i'm really not looking forward to going to work anymore. especially wednesdays. how unmotivated? don't mind getting reminded of the same old thing over and over again.
i think i was doing proper project work (even if it's filing & administrative issues) before the boss did a re-shuffling. now job of the day is done within 2 - 3 hours only. after that i have to find other ECAs.
being picked as the chairman of the welfare team also doesn't help at all. all thanks to the dangers of miscommunication. having very unresponsive team members is another minus point. can't even delegate the work. everyone seems to have mastered the art of 'siam'-ing. have to learn from them. can't master that art yet. hmph!!
it's already more than half a year gone. how fast time flies. haven't had that proper break yet. need a change of environment. not forever, just for a short while only. i still want to work with this team, but a short break is seriously needed first.

no point

going to lay low for now.
not in the very best of moods at the moment.
need to find peace inside of me.

back...

to work as of yesterday, 27th June 2005.
a quick check on the bank account showed i've finished paying off the study loan. finally. after 2 years of scrimping and saving only to see half of it gone a year ago, i can now see the money grow fat in the bank. no sales will tempt me to part with them.
not even the Great Singapore Sale. true a lot of items have the prices slashed, but there will be more sales round the year. anyway not everything is on sale. looking at friends/colleagues buying as if there's no tomorrow puts me off spending. like i say above, i'd rather see my money grow fat or obese if possible. this is the only time when the term fat/obese is welcome.
the exam last week was torture. just hope i pass, that's all. not hoping for scoring high marks already. the tips from those who took one of the modules last year didn't help. he got an easier paper!! this year was tougher that last year's.
so, yours truly have been 'drowning' her sorrows in this/these:


YUMMYYY!!!

exam fever

i've never crammed for an exam like i just did. joined a couple of guys for some serious studying over the past few days.
i just got home just over half an hour ago. i think i understand the subject in these 2 days than in the 10 lessons of 3 hours each. one more day of cramming before the paper. in need of serious sleep after that.
one more to go on thursday then it's 3 days of sleep.
will be on a hiatus till then. nitezzz...

tired and forgetful

spent the whole of saturday doing a final assignment. finished most of it. still can't do one of the questions.
did the thing i most dreaded on a sunday. went out. to town.
first stop was the PC Show at Singapore Expo. usual stuff on show and sale. was looking for SD/MMC card for the digicam. cheapest there was $127. will wait for the price to drop some more.
next stop was library. library@orchard to be exact which is in town. had to get a book to study for the exam. found the book (luckily) but not the edition i needed. but still it's better than nothing at all. at least the main content is still there.
last stop was to an aunt's place at hougang. she needed help to set the vcr. showed her 10 times but still calls me back another 10 times whenever the thing got turned off. what to do, can't refuse her.
time left home : 1345
time reached home : 1835
today, after printing the assignment out, discovered i didn't bring the assignment label. can't hand in the assignment without the label. so much for taking gingo biloba. it's suppose to help improve the memory. well i did remember, only too late *rolls eyes*
still can't do that one question. how!!!

no understanding needed

~ post deleted ~

everything's ok now, Alhamdulillah.

strange feelings

why do i feel like there's something not quite right somewhere around? could it be just PMS? am i being paranoid?
really don't feel quite the same right now. something's the matter and have to do something. the question is what? i don't know and just hope it's just paranoia setting in right now.
don't need this feeling, especially right now. am already not getting enough sleep. looks like i'm going to put in extra hours for work till the end of the week. already worked thru' lunchtime yesterday.
please give me a sign everything's all right. please make this nagging feeling go away.........

can't keep them open

had a very concentrated mug of coffee about 2 hours ago. then mother brought home chicken soup from the neighbour upstairs, did some alterations to it and added some noodles in it, then practically force-fed me - at midnight.
funny thing is the caffeine is not working how it's supposed to. the only thing it's doing right is making me lose water. it's not keeping me up!!
am trying to get rid of the habit of procrastinating. exams' coming and i've not started on any revision yet. this is going to be a very long week ahead. been enjoying too much holidays this month.
whatever it is, will definitely take a break after the exams. truly need a relaxing moment before it all starts all over again.

stressed out

am stressed out. face is erupting like nobody's business. nothing's helping. don't have time to relax. everything's due. project evaluation, assignment, revision...

did this on sunday morning

let the pictures speak for itself
start time : 0740hrs

missed the 1km, 2km & 3km marks




end time : 1005hrs

creativity at work

casper in the daytime? :D

why did i?

been thinking eversince i started taking up studying on part-time basis. why did i bother?
am working and earning quite comfortably. don't have any committments. was able to give enough to the parents to cover household expenses and still save up for self. heck, have forgotten almost everything learnt in the polytechnic. sure didn't need all the headache now :)
the main factor, have to say is that i felt my brain cells depleting by the day. and also i really miss studying. office politics sure is an eye-opener. a big one that is.
it's not just the work you do. you have to make sure the superiors are aware that you are 'working' plays the bigger factor. you can go in and spend the whole day in front of the computer doing nothing and attending meetings while keeping up the appearance of being busy and the bosses will give you a good grading. make one wrong move and your entire working life will be scarred forever.
learnt that the hard way. in school, the exams depend on you and only you. if you know it, you know it. if you don't then good luck to you.
so for those of you who are still studying, enjoy that as long as you can. got to get back to assignment. now where's the notes......

burnt out

fell sick last week. had a literal burnout. had quite high fever.
stingy doctor only gave a day of mc. had to take another day off by taking urgent leave. still have a little cough but after a weekend of rest am good as new now.
still have another assignment to do. 2 weeks more till the due date. after that it's cramming for exams.
can't wait for June. will finish paying off study loan so can start saving by then. 2 years of scrimping and not buying anything in the category of want. only by need basis.
ok need to get back to reading about radar. anybody out there who is familiar with radar please leave a comment. need to learn all technical details of radars.

where did the weekend go?

what happened to the weekend? didn't feel like one at all. came and went too fast.
really need a short break. before exams fever start, have to recharge the internal batteries. will burn out by the time exam period comes.
have to re-organise my life. priorities are going haywire. where did the organised me go? PDA is not being used as is should. need time-out to re-organise life.

to all mothers

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!!
to all mothers, mothers-to-be, mothers to mothers, etc. where are we without you?

sick

feeling under the weather at the moment. went out during lunchtime yesterday to arab street. walked under the hot sun for about 20 minutes. came back to a very cold office and immediately felt feverish.
reached home and just wanted to do my own stuff. was doing a bit of downloading (shhhhh!!!) and mother started nagging about wasting the electricity by leaving the computer on continuously and all that. all i want is to come home to a peaceful & quiet house but mother's voice was really annoying. it was so irritating.
just kept quiet and did own thing. she got more irritated by my ignorance and nagged even more. all i want is a little quiet cos i'm not well. sheesh!!
mother only realised i'm not well after we got back from the mosque at night. was contemplating taking sick leave but the thought of spending the day with dearest mother is enough push to get me to work. won't be able to sit in front of the computer in peace with her around. the electricity wastage lecture will start again. have to use the knowledge of school days now. will have to calculate power used by the computer/modem/speakers and compare to other appliances and see exactly how much power i use.
now where are those notes......

what if you find a watch in the sand?

got this from the mail. very inspiring.

what if you find a watch in the sand?
Suppose you find a watch in the middle of a desert. What would you conclude? Would you think that someone dropped the watch? Or would you suppose that the watch came by itself?
Of course no sane person would say that the watch just happened to emerge from the sand. All the intricate working parts could not simply develop from the metals the lay buried in the earth. The watch must have a manufacturer.
If a watch tells accurate time we expect the manufacturer must be intelligent. Blind chance cannot produce a working watch.
But what else tells accurate time? Consider the sunrise and sunset. Their timings are so strictly regulated that scientists can publish in advance the sunrise and sunset times in your daily newspapers. But who regulates the timings of sunrise and sunset? If a watch can not work without an intelligent maker, how can the sun appear to rise and set with such clockwork regularity? Could this occur by itself?
Consider also that we benefit from the sun only because it remains at a safe distance from the earth, a distance that averages 93 million miles. If it got much closer the earth would burn up. And if it got too far away the earth would turn into an icy planet making human life here impossible. Who decided in advance that this was the right distance? Could it just happen by chance?
Without the sun plants would not grow. Then animals and humans would starve. Did the sun just decide to be there for us?
The rays of the sun would be dangerous for us had it not been for the protective ozone layer in our atmosphere. The atmosphere around earth keeps the harmful ultraviolet rays from reaching us. Who was it that placed this shield around us?
We need to experience sunrise. We need the sun's energy and it's light to see our way during the day. But we also need sunset. We need a break from the heat, we need the cook of night and we need the lights to out so we may sleep. Who regulated this process to provide what we need?
Moreover, if we had only the sun and the protection of the atmosphere we would want something more-beauty. Our clothes provide warmth and protection, yet we design them to also look beautiful. Knowing or need for beauty, the designer of sunrise and sunset also made the view of them to be simply breathtaking.
The creator who gave us light, energy, protection and beauty deserves our thanks. Yet some people insist that he does not exist. What would they think if they found a watch in the desert? An accurate, working watch? A beautifully designed watch? Would they not conclude that there does exist a watchmaker? An intelligent watchmaker? One who appreciates beauty? Such is God who made us. SubhanAllah!

http://anwary-islam.com

HOT

been really hot these few days. the aircon in the office is at 18 degrees Celsius and i'm not frozen. on a normal day, a temperature of 22 degrees Celsius will make me frozen almost solid.
walking around the house with a fan in hand. can't bring the electric one around right.
have been drinking water from the time i open my eyes till i close it at night. already made 4 trips to the little girls' room since morning. feel like going again now.
the parents are complaining about the heat too. extra hot for them since they just got back from a cold climate.
ok really need to go now..............

they're back

the parents are back.
life is back to the old routine. going to miss the past 2 weeks.

i did it!!

got a call from an aunt to accompany her to the mosque for Maulidul Rasul. she brought the new grandaughter for her cukur rambut. asked me to help her out. since a baby is involved here, gladly agreed.
had to follow the aunt and uncle to send the little lady back to woodlands. what happened on the way back was something i never thought i could ever do again.for the first time since 18th Jan 2004, i DROVE!!
was almost practically pushed into the driver's seat. the uncle absolutely insisted he was tired and wants to rest. he got into the back seat so with trembling knees yours truly got into the driver's seat and did the neccessary adjustments.
got flashbacks almost immediately when hands were on the steering wheels. recited countless prayers along the way. Alhamdulillah, reached home in one piece. knees were almost like jelly after that though. still like jelly now, but firmer already now. heheh...
this year is becoming the year of many firsts. hope the first something that happens next is a pleasant one. don't want to be reminded of anything tragic/unhappy anymore. had enough unhappy/unpleasant memories to last a whole lifetime.

slow week

week started off with a very slow start. was feeling really tired yesterday morning. didn't feel like getting up.
had a full weekend. for a self-declared anti-social that's a big feat. stayed the whole day at an uncle's place on saturday for a wedding reception. attended a poly-mate who's my junior's wedding on sunday. didn't bother to go to a cousin's son's cukur rambut.
getting very irritated by the lady engineer. she thinks i know nothing about the project. HELLO!! was very much involved in a previous project that was very similar to this. i know i've forgotten much of the interface but it's not something to die for. a 'test' is certainly not neccessary here. sheesh...women!! (i'm a 100% female homo-sapien ok).
so many things to do, so little time. have to learn an evaluating software by monday and will be on an irrelevant course on thursday & friday. have to help a colleague ammend some documents. need to learn the interface of current project. have an assignment due next week and no textbook right now.
when there's things to do it's all due at the same time. when there's nothing to do there's really nothing to do but shake your legs. go to get started on something now. good night.

one more week

hear the parents are not really enjoying their time in Australia. some hiccups along the way. feel very sorry about the hiccups. this is supposed to be a relaxing trip for them.
another week of staying alone, then life goes back to normal. beginning to really enjoy staying all alone. call me selfish, i don't care, but i think i really like it this way. tempted to get a place to call my own. the only irritating factor is the calls and sms from 'very concerned' people.
am doing ok here. do not need all the attention. am a self-declared anti-social but has friends everywhere. a contradicting statement there, i know.
becoming an insomniac eversince the parents went off. the only productive thing achieved is the completion of quite a major assignment. manage to wake up on time and catch the empty mrt. wasn't sleepy at work either. didn't even fall asleep during a meeting (a 3 hrs long meeting).
ok, need to submit the income tax return for an aunt. stupid new system is really irritating. can't seem to change the password. time is running out...

another one down

didn't want to watch the hindi movie, but Arjun Rampal's in it!! got stuck in front of the google box...heheh
went to the engagement of a dear friend. she happens to be a constant travelling buddy. was one of those involved in the unforgetable incident last year too.
doesn't she look lovely. congratulations Ina & Mohd. may you both be blessed with happiness forever.

went to visit an uncle who had a hernia surgery. didn't get to visit when he was at the hospital so had the time just now. watched the marriage of Prince Charles to Camilla. finally they got to be together. so sad other lives were involved in the middle. they should have just got married in the first place.
the issue of getting married never fail to open my eyes. am already in the category of late 20s now. you can call me choosy but i don't care. hey, you don't just pick a life partner like choosing fish in the market.
thought i might have found THE ONE. made a do'a during a Qiamulail session in Ramadhan of Nov 2003. a few weeks later, crossed paths with someone i have not met for 14 yrs. almost crossed paths with the person a few years earlier. a very helpful friend wanted to introduce me to her friend's brother. turned out to be the same person. he's a really nice guy. so imagine the surprise & shock when i got to know him thru the world wide web. not so wide after all c",)
am waiting for the right someone to come to change my mind. what is meant to be will be, what is not meant to be will never be.

FREEDOM

notice the caps above? for the first time in my entire life (really!!), i'm being left alone. my family has 'abandoned' me. but who's fretting here.
i'm actually ecstatic now. for the first time, there's no need to make sure there's food at home, no need to give wake-up calls, no need to make sure everything is in order before going to bed. the reason for all the above is the parents have gone to visit sis & bro dearest for 2 weeks.
now only have to make sure house is clean. plan is to do all the major cleaning by tomorrow, then no need to fret over small issues.
parents should be in the plane now. should be reaching Sydney about 6pm Singapore time. didn't plan to send them off at airport but decided at the last minute to take half day urgent leave. took some pics at airport. will post it later.
have to start work now. have class tonight. long day today. but still HAPPY (for now)...

brainwashed

mother said somebody called to accuse her of bad-mouthing that person. she heard it from the daughter of this old lady who mother has been helping out.
that person said some not so good things, which i won't say here (i won't stoop as low), to mother.
mother has been helping out that old lady out of her compassion and without anything expected in return. everytime mother comes back from that old lady's house, there will be a bag of dishes prepared by that old lady.
what i'm very pissed now is the fact that the person who called mother started accusing mother of all the things that has been relayed to her by the daughter without any sort of investigation. if you think my mother has been saying things that are not true about you, must you start shooting off accusations without any questions asked?
must my mother be wrong just because you are hearing these from somebody who is related to you?
do you really think my mother has nothing better to do than gossiping about other people?
one thing i have to say, i'm not going to turn up for the grandson's cukur rambut. i won't want to have anything to do with anyone who doesn't trust my mother.
i don't mind not having any relatives, but my mother is everything to me.

hate her even more now

all thanks to the lady engineer, monday was spoilt rotten for me. came back to the office to a really unpleasant e-mail from the Programme Manager. to make things worse was the mail was directed to me but mailed to everyone in the team.
was suppose to update the welfare money balance to the team. normally just a simple excel spreadsheet was enough to give the rough amount collected and spent along with additional fund. thanks to the person that now i am hating, she replied to everyone asking me how the amount was derived. in all the 5 years of me collecting and updating the amount, never once anybody asked how the final amount was derived. as long as there's no excess expenditure, everyone else was happy.
never worked with a woman before so this is really something i really cannot take. one, she is just a contract staff. two, i've been the one doing the work all this while without any glitch. this is only addtional activity tasked to me. it's not a very big issue how it goes. i'm not employed to do this kind of thing ok. i'm only doing it because no one else wants to do it.
thank God the Programme Manager wasn't in today. but still have to face the music tomorrow. worse case scenario i won't be the one holding the money anymore. that's even better.
really...really...really...really...really HATE that person now. worst thing is she's in the same project as me. just have to keep it on a professional level. can't bring personal matter into work. really love my job. can't think of doing anything else, except move up in this line. please don't let that person spoil it for me now.

day of shopping

went to Sim Lim to accompany neighbour to get a new pc. had a great help from a colleague to accompany us for advice. she finally decided to get the pc she went to look at yesterday.
after that went to Mustafa Centre for another round of shopping. wanted to get Smores or Chocolate Fudge Pop Tarts but no luck there. only Grape, Blueberry and Sugar & Cinnamon available. was a bit disappointed but made up for that by getting a basketfull of other foodstuff. got 3 different flavours of papadums, some snacks and tom yam maggi mee. not to forget a hindi movie vcd c",)
the neighbour wanted to get track pants but couldn't find a pair that she likes. got herself some foodstuff only.
waiting for the pc to be delivered now. will be going up to see if the files in the old pc can be salvaged.

health tip

nothing to write for today. a health tip for those who are gaining the pounds/kilos :

Keeping an eye on the scale is one way to help keep your kidneys healthy.

Packing on a substantial number of pounds since the age of 21 is associated with a marked increase in the risk of kidney stones, researchers recently reported. This connection may be due to the fact that, compared to slim people, larger people process more calcium, oxalate, and uric acid, which are common components of kidney stones.

Courtesy of : RealAge.com

corporate retreat

today was fun-ness. had our department corporate retreat. was held at Downtown East for the first time in 4 yrs of the formation of PTD.
day was filled with activities and laughter. all the antics of the guys trying to complete every tasks. wish it could have been held more than a day. not to mention the food. i'm stuffed from all the food from the morning break, lunch and afternoon break.
the supposed 'door-gift' was a 512MB thumb drive (which we received at the end of the day) that i would have no use for. already have a 256MB one which is fully utilised. what i need is a 1GB size device to copy the movies i've downloaded which is about 700MB. can't burn it cos the cd writer can only recognise up to 660MB. even a 870MB disc still showed only 660MB space. that's the only complain i've got for the iBook. other than that it's still the best computer around.
ok, need to solat maghrib now. gonna squeeze in a few hours of studying before sleeping.

nuclear waste in the kitchen

ok i'm exaggerating about the title.
was awakened at almost 3am in the morning by the super strong scent of the king of fruit.
was sleeping on the couch. found a pesky bed bug crawling on my arm while watching tv yesterday afternoon. mother sprayed almost an entire bottle of insecticide on the big cushions, potted plants and my bed. the smell of the insecticide on the bed made me sleep on the couch.
father returned home after his cab driving shift at that hour bringing home the fruit. now the whole house is reeking with the smell of the offending odour :(
was feeling a little thirsty just now and opened the fridge for a drink of cold water. BIG MISTAKE. was almost knocked over by the strong scent. took a gulp of water. another BIG MISTAKE. the water tastes of the fruit!!
will have to avoid opening the fridge for at least a month. just hope the watermelons i put in there don't absorb the smell & taste.
i don't hate the fruit all along. after eating too much of it about 13 yrs ago gave me a bad stomachache and fever. started not liking it eversince. can't even smell let alone taste it. now i avoid it like the plague.

holiday!!

it's a holiday tomorrow. yippeee!! no work.
highlight of this week is the performance bonus. didn't get that much, but money is still money. a little is still something.
went to spend gift voucher we got from the presentation last week (the one with Mr. Potato) during lunchtime. set out to look for a memory card for the digicam. after browsing thru' the electronics section, fell in love with a DVD player instead.
after much thought and deliberation and questions to the guys who went along, finally decided to get the player. cost $115. after splitting the voucher of $100 among 3 of us, paid additional $82.
problem is there's class tonight and carrying the player around is not such a good idea. to leave it in the office means i can only bring it home on monday. ok, will lug it to class later. anyway, father's fetching me home after classes now. didn't ask for it, he offered. heheh...

feeling beat

was so tired the whole day today. started the day with what those stupid mistake kind of thing.
first, the announcement on the mrt was cocked up. heard it announcing 'Tampines' and was jolted out of sleep only to find myself at Paya Lebar. didn't get in the wrong direction at least. so got back to sleep only to wake up at the next station thinking it was my stop. rushed out only to realise it's 1 stop too early. too embarassed to get back inside so waited for next mrt.
that was the start of my day.
not much incident at work but was really tired the whole day. couldn't concentrate on work much. must be the busy weekend.
had class on saturday and accompanied mother to a wedding at AMK on sunday. walked quite a distance too. walked too much that mother was too tired to complain. that was how tired she was. told mother not to follow me since i wanted to walk home from the interchange. she insisted so it's her choice. offered a leg massage. yet to give it but offer still stands.
have a heavy assignment to start on. better get going now. nitezz...

nothing to do

now that all the crucial work is over, there's no deadline to meet. really free the whole day today.
had a little chat session with the KM team in the morning. will be meeting with the project manager to update him. other than that, no work to be done urgently.
all i did was print study notes and surfed around. stumbled upon a few blogs of current and former colleagues and some people i've known in the past.
all the bloghopping only made me feel depressed. almost all are either : getting married, pregnant or gave birth. suddenly feel my biological clock ticking. especially right now when the office is like a ghost town. TICK...TOCK...TICK...TOCK... c",)
anyway, on a positive note, i'm happy for them. nothing much i can do about my situation now. i'm living each day as it comes.
what is meant to be will be, what is not meant to be will never be. will explain more of this quote when i feel like it.

presenting Mr Potato

here's our good luck charm : Mr Potato and the trophy we won.



watched Spongebob Squarepants The Movie just now. didn't have class and somebody couldn't make it so i bought over the ticket. got a really cool seat:



might just go there again if i want to watch a movie all by myself.
actually watched the movie already. downloaded it a few months ago. since there is a ticket available & class is cancelled, might as well enjoy it again (only $2).
ok need to finish up assignment now. nitezzz...

all because of...

that lady engineer almost spoilt my great day. all because of......a BANANA!!
in conjunction with healthy lifestyle, the dept sends 2 fruits a week to everyone. being the contact person, yours truly will be the one distributing the fruits to everybody.
was going to distribute to the 2 ladies but they were in a meeting with the project manager. one of them said to leave their share outside. so i left the fruits by the flasks.
just recieved a call from that lady engineer saying there was only 1 banana and 3 apples left. that's none of my problem. i've done my part. go and ask whoever is there, not me.
anyway, on a good note, the presentation which we started preparing for yesterday afternoon got the second prize. all thanks to Mr. Potato. photo of Mr. Potato will be uploaded later...hehehe...

hate the bus

waited over half an hour for the bus. when it comes only the single deck came. swore would get down if i can't get a seat. lucky there were several empty ones.
once settled down, did what i usually did whenever i take the no 14 - sleep.
slept and woke up several times but still no end in sight. was only 3/4 of the way. had enough sleep in the bus that i'm wide awake now.
will finish up the assignment that's due next week tonight. not forgetting the presentation for tomorrow morning. hope it's good enough.

why??

why is it whenever i'm free, i'm really free. no tasks at hand, nobody calls me, not even the project manager gives me work.
and whenever i've got loads of work to settle and do, everyone starts looking for me. not even a foolproof management plan can help in this.
today, i've got a presentation to prepare for tomorrow morning, help set up an exhibition for tomorrow's event, print tender specs for the project. all by today!!
it's already almost 3. going to do a magic act soon. going off to help in the setting up. printing can wait till i get back.
should have told me this in the morning right. then i can have enough time to prepare everything. whatever it is, i've already gave a warning that i cannot finish the printing. if you really need it then get the other guys to do it.

birth month

got this from the mail. some do reflect me, some don't.
November
Has lots of extraordinary ideas - when the need arises
Difficult to fathom - very true
Thinkforward - true
Unique - eccentric is what my father calls it
Brilliant - nahh
Sharp thinking - when the need arises
Fine, strong clairvoyance - nahh
Make good doctor - nope
Dynamic - maybe
Secretive - true
Inquisitive - true
Know how to dig secrets - true
Always thinking - true
Less talkative - true
Amiable - true
Brave - depends on the situation
Generous - maybe
Patient - very true
Stubborn - extremely true
Hardhearted - very true
Determined - very true
Never quit - very true
Hardly become angry unless provoked - true
Love to be alone - very true
Think differently - refer to 'Unique'
Sharp-minded - refer to 'Brilliant'
Motivate self - very true
Don't appreciate praises - true
Highspirited - true
Well-built, tough - nahh
Deep love, emotions - not really
Romantic - nahh
Uncertain in relationships - very true
Homely - very true
Hardworking - when the need arises
High abilities - a little
Trustworthy - a little
Honest - true
Keep secrets - true
Can't control emotions - not really
Unpredictable - refer to 'Unique' & 'Think differently'

international women's day

to all women out there. let's celebrate for just being born a woman.

now i know

now i understand the fuss about having a woman as a superior. even though she's not my immediate superior and i don't have to answer to her, i feel like sewing up her mouth and taping it shut.
questioning every step of work process we have been doing. it's ok if it's project matters, but when it comes to admin matters, it's getting on my nerve. just do what the other project managers say and let me do my work. you don't have to question why it has to be done this way and when it is going to be done. this is not the private sector where everything is very simple and straightforward. this is the public sector. even throwing out condemned items has a process.
feels like she's doubting my work. i don't set the rules here. i only follow them. so just let me do my work in peace and stop asking stupid questions. you can ask your stupid questions to someone else. i've been working here for almost 5 years and she's only here a few months. so who has more knowledge of the work process here?
it's meeting people like her makes me dread coming to work. but i'm not going to let this spoil my week. will ignore her as much as i can...

my first time

highlight of the day for today was : got stuck in a lift. 26 years of staying on the 13th floor never had this experience.
was outside whenever there's a breakdown or fault. the most amusing thing was it happened on a 3 storey building and the lift was stuck on the 2nd storey. what a joke.
spent 20 minutes in the stupid lift before finally a technician got there. was in the lift with another guy. he called the hotline for a technician.
note to self : take the stairs next time. kwa...kwa...kwa
spent the rest of the day looking for textbook and walking around. met a friend to get back vcd she borrowed from me. got ourselves a few movies too. will watch them when semester is over. that means in June. have to start on assingments now.
note to self : START ASSIGNMENTS!!! (top priority)

finally

it finally rained the past few days. after a month of seriously dry spell. i've not seen proper green grass for almost a month.
the only green are on the tree tops and a few grass patches here and there. all my life in sunny singapore, i've never seen grass go brown/yellow all the way.
was thinking of taking pictures of the browned/yellowed grass but as usual, this major procrastinator didn't. managed to snap a few pics when it rained yesterday though.
time to bring the trusty sweater to the office. will be needing it in replacement of umbrella in the base.
i need proper shoes too. sent the sandals i bought last month back to the shop cos it broke and it's still not ready yet. does anybody know of anywhere that sells simple casual (read : boring) shoes that comes in size 9 / 10??

one more down

got the result of the latest exam. Alhamdulillah, got a B. the exam was open book so was hoping for a bit more marks. but still a B is way better than the usual Cs. 4 down another 12 to go.
had a fun day on the 24th Feb. there was an ICT Seminar and was supposed to be there the whole day. attended till 12.30, that's when the lunch break was. after that the whole bunch of us - me, Nora, Mai, Mar & Suzie - 'played truant' and had a wonderful bonding session at Mai's place.
watched Munna Bhai MBBS (again) and the songs from Mujhse Dosti Karogi(again) & had a great time there. only person missing was Sharm. thought she was busy but turned out we missed her by an hour. good thing managed to meet up the whole gang again (except Suzie) just now for lunch.
another bonding session again. brought back the memories of the time we first met and really clicked. the memorable times we had during the induction course that lasted a whole month. never attended another course just like that.
anyway, the memories of the start of our friendship will always be cherished. may we have many more memorable times ahead, Insya Allah.

humpty dumpty had a great fall

was walking back from the office to the MRT station when yours truly, miss klutzy, tripped on a tree root and took a nasty tumble.
luckily it was only at a carpark and no vehicles were passing thru. now i'm kinda sore on the left hip. had a tiny scratch on the left palm too. not painful unless in contact with water...OUCH!!
finally the modules i applied to take this semester has been added. will be wasting a lot of time, not to mention money, if it's not added. here comes the sleepless nights. have to prepare assignments on time. will not procrastinate anymore. somebody please make sure i stick to this promise! c",)
been having really light load at work lately. mostly administrative stuff. nothing related to project yet. was told to settle all the small stuff first. ok then. at least i still have a job. who else is earning my pay and doing only admin stuff.
ok, will be enjoying all the sleep i can get now. will be needing more eye cream by next week. those panda eyes will surely appear with no mercy......

PEACE...at last

made 2 trips to the airport just now. first was at 6 pm to send bro dearest off then another trip at 11 to send sis dearest off.
finally have the pc all to myself. no more 'bookings' to be made. no more getting irritated by those who hog the internet.
am enjoying the sound of silence now.
ok going to enjoy the peace. will hog the computer as long as i want to.

4 weddings & a funeral

just watched the movie for the second time. the movie that made me 'fall in love' with Hugh Grant.
watched it the first time at the cinema in 1994. been wanting to get the vcd/dvd. only got the vcd a couple of days ago. a really cheesy movie but i just love it (disregarding the 'colourful' language - full of the F word) c",)
Rowan Atkinson is really hilarious as the priest. and the main reason i really love this movie is the song.
ok, will stop now. going to finish watching the movie.

super long weekend

for the first time in ages, i've got nothing to do on a saturday.
read all the backdated newspapers which were piling for don't know how long. did laundry in the morning and even finished folding them all. watched the most of the movies i've downloaded/bought.
now i'm sitting in front of my iBook with a face mask. a weekly pampering session :)
another non-working day tomorrow. have to find something to do. if not i'll go out of my mind with boredom............

need to let this out

just read someone's blog about how i will make her mood rotten everytime we go out. well excuse me then. i didn't ask to be a part of anybody's life too.
i happen to be paying my way to my own education (as mentioned) and i'm not making anyone else's life a misery if i happen to flunk any modules and have to re-take them i'll pay for it MYSELF and suffer MYSELF.
for the case of the SOUR plums, i did ask the cashier if it's sour and she did mention it was SWEET AND SOUR. u said ok. after that i offered to get something else but who declined? each word i spoke was met with a very hostile or even no answer. how was i suppose to offer dinner when that someone won't even speak to me at all?
i never expect the person to follow me when i walked away. that person never will so i'm not surprised about it. felt really so disappointed by what happened.
if that person had cashed in the check that i mistakenly paid to the wrong account as soon as it arrived, i won't be so broke now. don't have any spending money left for lunch tomorrow. my pay is only coming on saturday.
why is it, this has to happen almost every time i go out with that person? and yet we still continue going out and the cycle will begin all over again. have to give us the credit that even an ocean apart, we will still have this sort of thing going on.
well, all i have to say now is have a nice life. hope not to bother you anymore. won't even acknowledge the fact of the relationship that we have - for now.....................

to all...

wishing all who are celebrating : A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS LUNAR NEW YEAR
and not forgetting : SELAMAT MENYAMBUT MA'AL HIJRAH

not my day

just not my day today. first contact lens made my eyes so dry that i don't think i can wear lenses for a week.
not only did it leave me with 'desert' eyes, the right side was so blurred. i can't read or make out people's faces if they are a distance from me. this never happened before.
work was ok. didn't have much 'eca' as my programme manager calls it. did the usual stuff n surfed the net a bit.
then the other incident that really spoiled my mood/appetite/everything was thanks to sis dearest. accompanied her to get a laptop casing. found what she was looking for at Funan. then we were supposed to go for dinner at Sarpino's Pizza @ Simei.
she wanted to get some buah asam for her throat. found a shop selling preserved fruits and finally she chose something. before paying, i asked the shopkeeper if that preserved plum was of a sour variety. she replied it's sweet & sour. sis dearest said it was ok so i bought it.
turned out it was more sweet that sour and guess who gets the blame. how would i know what the thing will taste like. there was no tester in the first place. even if there is a tester i wouldn't be able to taste it. i was fasting!! she knows it.
i offered to make it up to her by getting something she wants. went into Cheers and she got herself a box of Strepsils. after paying for them, she declared she's out of money and wants to go home.
well suit yourself. i walked over to Bugis without looking back. was really disappointed that i really lost my appetite. all i had for buka was the preserved plum she almost threw at me. told mother i've already eaten.
at Masjid Sultan, a lady asked me to help her pin her tudung. asked if i'm Singaporean. i gladly helped her and answered her i'm 100% Singaporean. made me think, how nicely a stranger we treat but how crude a family is treated.
is there any way that i can resign as a post of sister? what's the point of being a sister, an elder one too, when your advices are not heard? it's labeled as nagging instead. is there any way i can step down and not have any responsibilities of a sister? what is the point really?
i'm the one PMS-ing now. i'm the one who has the right to get upset and get mood swings now. how come it's me who is getting the brunt of it? what am i?
what is the point, really? :(

counting the hours

at work now. counting the hours to go home. don't have much mood to work.
exams' over. am patiently waiting for results to come out. just hope i did well enough to clear the paper. had to sign a so called agreement to make sure i pass at least 3 modules by next year.
flunked 3 out of 6 modules i took. funny thing is all the modules i flunked are taken in semester 2...is there a trend here?? i wonder......
finger's starting to hurt again. been throbbing eversince last weekend. was doing past year papers almost 3 whole days and then another day of exams. wrote for 3 hrs straight during exam.
want to see the doctor but been just plain lazy to get my butt of to the clinic. can't be bothered to wait. will go and see if it gets worse. going to give it a rest for now.

eyes wide open

have a paper to take tomorrow morning. done all the sample exam papers provided in the course notes. gone through them over and over now. not sure of what to do next.
the good news is it's an open book exam. whatever i've done and copied down can be brought in and be used as referral. feeling kinda nervous now and can't sleep. always happen everytime i'm taking a paper since taking up this part time course.
anyway, pray for me. will do my best tomorrow.

not myself

haven't been feeling the best of moods lately. i feel so lonely even though i'm surrounded by people all the time.
btw it's my birthday today on the Hijrah Calender. according to that calender, i'm already 28. oh well, age is just a number. most important is health and family.
speaking of family, just heard from a friend that her sis is getting married this July. another friend is getting engaged soon. a few more colleagues getting married...and all are the same age as me...
that's what making me feel so lonely and lost. feels like everyone is deserting you. not being a sour grape but just can't help feel this way. i'm really happy for them and will pray for their happiness.
never really gave much thought about settling down. been too busy concentrating on studies and now career. was a bit taken aback when dearest sis said she's planning to stay together in the future. seems like she's got the same thinking. does this run in the family?? i really wonder...heheh...
really hate it when people, especially aunts/cousins/friends ask the golden question : 'when are you getting married?' or 'when's your turn?' or 'got boyfriend or not?'. feel like telling off by saying mind your own business. what's it to them if i get married or not? i'm not owing anyone a living.
true like i said, i'm starting to feel lonely now. feel like life is passing by too quickly. before you know it, your eyes will close forever. but what can be done when you've never met anyone that can change your mind about the idea of getting hitched. if he can convince me the pros are much, much higher than the cons then you've got me. so far all guys i met gave the same impression. none can change my mind.
i feel much better now that i've got this out. not asking for any sympathy or advice. this is my thoughts and only mine. comments are welcome but, i repeat, keep the advice or words of sympathy. i'm not seeking any of those.

selamat hari raya

Selamat Hari Raya 'Aidiladha to all muslim brothers and sisters out there.

'happy' anniversary

it's been a year already. 'happy' anniversary guys...

on mute

lost my voice over the weekend. it's coming back already. what irks me is the cough that comes along. that is making my throat hurt instead.
had an uneventful weekend. stayed home even though it's mother's birthday last saturday. couldn't think of what to get for her so just went to a CLARINS counter to look for some face lifting cream last friday. she's been swiping some of mine so decided to get something that's more suitable for her age. couldn't afford the price that comes along with the skincare that is meant for matured skin so just got her some samples to try. will get it if they really work.
dearest sis bought a brownie cake for mother. we weren't in a mood to celebrate much after a horrible week last week. still can't believe what happened. am in denial. so many questions that cannot be answered...
tomorrow marks a date that will forever be etched in my memory. an incident that changed my perspective of life. taught me to cherish what i have and not to take things for granted. taught me small issues doesn't matter. treasure what is given to you, be it good or bad.

why??

back to work today. on leave on wednesday and on mc yesterday. cancelled plans to go KL this weekend. don't have the mood to enjoy. still in shock and denial.
only thing in my mind now is the question 'WHY???'. the 'what ifs' scenarios are playing in my head these past few days. how could someone so gentle, so sweet think of such a thing. and to actually execute it is unthinkable.
i never expect such an ending to this. now we will never know exactly why. the question can only be answered by someone not here anymore...

in shock

been up since 4am this morning. dearest sis informed that our neighbour who is also a family passed away. on urgent leave for the day. i'm still in shock and denial...

looking forward to the weekend

will be taking a short trip over the weekend. will leave for Kuala Lumpur on Thursday night. don't have much plan for shopping. not like dearest sis. she's going to shop till she will literally drop there. heheh...
don't have any plans yet what to get. definite items to get : tudung (lots of them) and cloth for making baju kurung. not forgetting mother's birthday on Saturday. won't be here but will get her something from there. haven't been getting any birthday/special occasion gifts for anyone in my family for ages.
ok, that's all for now. need to take a shower first. have to wash my hair ;-)

happiness over

after being so happy about the change of reporting officer yesterday, was brought back to reality last night. it occured to me that i am going to miss a chance of working on something that will really boost my career. once i've got my degree in hand, being part of that project will definitely help my chances of upgrading my post. the new team i'm in now specialises on something that is of a smaller scale that is not covered in many sectors.
oh well, at least i'm thankful enough for now. i still have a job. there are many out there who are not working. i'm working in the line that i studied. i know of many who are working outside their line of study. some by choice, some not by choice. so as long as i still have a job, i'd be grateful.
had dinner with the whole family last night. ate till we almost burst and had dessert of ice cream. just as we were enjoying the ice cream the sky decided to burst (we were unprotected). like a flash everyone who were as unprotected as us moved the tables/chairs. what a sight. one second everyone was enjoying the outdoor dinner, another u see tables & chairs almost flying. in a flash everyone (including us) were safely continuing our food indoors...heheh.
was raining cats & dogs this morning. almost wanted to continue sleeping but what to do. have to work. have to clear all backlog before i can start on the new team. my workstation is buried with files/documents now. wish i can just dump them all...arrrggghhh!!!

prayers answered

boss called for urgent meeting today. just came out of the meeting feeling like walking on air. my prayers has been answered. won't be reporting to the project manager who raises his voice whenever he's agitated.
have to say Alhamdulillah that i'll be doing a project that i'm more familiar with. to tell the truth, i'm feeling like a fish out of water with the current project. lots of things to get familiar with. now i'll be doing something i'm better at (even if i say so myself).
have to finish up unfinished business now. lots of things to hand over and take on. but i'm still very, very, very happy :)
2005 looks like a brighter year already after a rather gloomy 2004...

goodbye 2004

2004 is coming to an end. what a year it has been. many things happened that affected me directly or indirectly. life, death, even near death. whatever it is, it's something to remember by (one of it being this blog...heheh).
- the year 2004 started with a 'bang' for me, dearest sis n 5 of my friends
- then saw dearest sis flying off to australia to pursue further studies
- middle of the year saw dearest sis' close friend experiencing near death too
- then saw dearest bro off to australia to pursue his further studies
(was at peace at home for 4 months :D)
- the tsunami near indonesia that affected many
- and to make a grand finale of the year:

(can't really say it's really the end cos this happened on 30th Dec, but it's somewhere the end already)
wishing everyone a very happy new year and may the new year bring joy to you.

a long day

today had to travel all the way to Jurong for class. stupid organisation shifted location without really thinking of all of us part-timers. oh well free transport provided for a month so will definitely save lots of money for now...heheh
work is getting to be a drag now. it's the end of the year where nobody has the mood to work but this irritating project engineer keeps bugging for everything to be on urgent list. i'm not an octopus u know. even datelines must have a time!! oh boy. this guy is really testing my patience now. he's giving me tension headaches. even thinking of him will make my head woozy :p
anyway been having a blast when it's not doing work time. been really enjoying the company of friends/colleagues. this week has seen me eating till i really want to burst. resolution made every night to not binge eat will be forgotten every morning. have to start on my workout programme again. can't seem to find a best style for now.
ok need sleep now. have to drag myself to work tomorrow morning............

haven't been out all day on sunday in a long time

what a day!! dearest sis actually followed me to a friend's wedding on her own accord. didn't even bother to wake her up but guess who actually called me on my mobile while i was getting ready? she actually called to ask where i am. anyway got there a little late so didn't get to meet the whole gang. only met Mar but she was on her way back.
so after that tagged along sis dearest to Tampines to meet her friends. ended up at Swensen's. ate till we almost burst. i'm still full right now. no, full doesn't really explain it. i'm still stuffed. think it can last me the whole week...heheh
anyway went window shopping and found out LOTR trilogy extended version is finally out. YIPPEEE!! gonna get that as soon as budget allows me to splurge. sis dearest bought WHITE CHICKS. watching it now. so till the next entry...au revoir

mother is sick

came home today to find mother curled up in bed. said she fell sick around 6.30pm. now she's sleeping. hope she'll get better very soon. everytime mother falls sick i feel lost. i don't know what to do. should i fuss over (read : irritate) her like how she normally does when i'm sick? do i just let her lie down and rest like what i would do if i'm sick? oh well she's resting now. just hope and pray that mother will be ok by tomorrow.
on a more happier note, went to watch Ocean's Twelve yesterday. a bit confusing at times but still funny. love the part when Julia Roberts acted as herself. that was really hillarious. motive of show was not that obvious (to me) but still enjoyable. O11 was full of action but O12 was more on talk.
will download O12 soon...heheheh

some tips on how to love yourselves

love yourselves. don't let others make you feel any lesser than what you think you are.

Stop All Criticism - Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Don't Scare Yourself - Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch the scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle And Kind And Patient - Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind To Your Mind - Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself - Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself - Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving To Your Negatives - Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care Of Your Body - Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Mirror Work - Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: "I love you, I really love you."

Love Yourself. Do It Now - Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now -- and do the best you can.

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Count your blessings and not your troubles.
Do not envy and create a devil of yourself.
Life is not a race, stop competing with others aimlessly.
Value yourself and conquer any form of self-doubt and you will be amoured against any other person's criticism or doubt.

what price sacrifice?

got my latest exam results. sad to say it was definitely not what i expected at all. it was not an easy paper to begin with, but i had a little bit of confidence to at least clear the paper. what greeted me was a BIG disappointment. it was an open book exam for crying out loud. i'm really disappointed in myself now. really did not expect anyting like this to happen.
not having time to understand the subect was one of the reasons. i'm not trying to give an excuse here but it's a fact. just last week i was feeling very happy to have sacrificed a little bit of my time to help someone out. now the table has turned on me. been wondering what was in my head when i enrolled in an engineering degree long distance programme. being a full time engineering student in poly was tough enough. taking it part time is really draining. work is already stressful with a reporting officer who gives mixed signals. gives u trust one minute, then takes it back the next. really couldn't spare whatever time i have left for anyone else (except for emergencies). sacrificing my own studies to help another's studies is not aa good idea. it is a noble thing to do to help others, but when it affects your life then i have to say be selfish.
i'm feeling down now. feel so de-motivated to study. the only thing that is keeping me going is the thought of paying the study loan. somebody help me here!!!! i need some help studying.
another thing i really don't understand is why some of the guys in my class keep asking me for help. i'm not a genius. i need help myself. who am i going to ask? it's no use asking for help from the local lecturers. they won't be able to help you like the full time lecturers/professors in the university. going to study again now. will also pray hard to seek strength to be able to make it. Insya Allah.

what is happening?

yesterday, newspaper and news reported that a baby was thrown out from the eighth floor of a block. what was the mother (monster) thinking? even if you are scared that you got pregnant out of wedlock or at a very young age, this is not what you should do. there are many other ways and means to get help. even wild animals don't do this to their young.
yes there are animals who eat up their young, but that is for survival. you don't hear of predatory animals who does that. they hunt other animals but will never hurt their young. there are many other couples who have been trying unsuccessfully for a child but this person just snuffed out a life just like that. it was not known if the baby was still alive or already dead when she was thrown out like a discarded waste. even if she was already dead, this is really not the way.
i just feel really sickened by this. i just hope whoever did this will be caught. hope it will teach a lesson to others who wants to have 'fun' but are ignorant of the consequences.
MAY ALLAH BLESS THE SOUL OF THE INNOCENT CHILD. AMIN.

another year to add to my age

had a busy and interesting weekend. firstly, yours truly went out on saturday and did not bring the ez link card. after i was dropped off and was supposed to continue my way home myself, i opened the bag not finding the card. lucky i had some money so just hailed a cab and went back.
brother came back on saturday night. he was supposed to get home tonight. it's a good thing i did not apply for the half day leave. was thinking of taking half the day off to spend time by myself though, but then decided to spend it at work instead.
it's therapeutic to spend my time working (with a few stolen moments blogging too). at least it's time well spent. going out will mean spending money and i can't afford to do that at the moment. got a study loan to pay so have to spent whatever money i have really wisely. what better way it is than going to work and earn more money...heheh...
ok i'm talking crap now. better get back to work now. still another an hour and a half to go...

i'm very happy today

i'm very happy right now. just heard the very good news that the girl that i was helping out with her revision (september's blog) just passed her primary school leaving exams.
promised her to treat her anywhere she likes and now i will gladly do that. almost flunked my own assignments just to help her out. but now after hearing the good news, it's all worth it.
that's all i want to say today. here's something for your reading :

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
All the villagers were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag. Now, imagine you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma can not be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers. What would you recommend to the girl to do?

Well, what she did was :
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. "Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think
Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools.

something i need to bitch about

saturday was a fine example of why i dread the season of Hari Raya nowadays. my uncle (mother's elder brother) called in the morning to declare (note : declare, not tell) he's coming over to our house in the evening after he knock off work. so mother said ok not knowing father wants to go visiting the same evening. a bit of chaos happened when father woke up and declared we are going out visiting.
as expected mother started panicking and grumbling. sister sms to cousin saying we are going out. if they insist on coming they are to give us a call first. a few hours later, the uncle called again and by a stroke of (bad) luck mother answered the call. he still insisted on coming over. she said please call first before coming.
when we were at another of mother's elder brother's house, cousin called sister and told us they are on the way. at the same time, elder cousin (the sister) sms me to say they are on the way. if we are still not home then they will not come again and will probably come only next year.
so what's the problem? mother started panicking again. feels so bad since it's her brother. says he's definitely angry at her and will never come over to our house again. well it's their problem right? we are not responsible to what he wants to feel. if he's not coming over again then fine. means 1 less family to entertain. he even called my aunt (his' & mother's youngest sister) to come home from where they were just so that they can visit her house. is this the way to visit other people's houses. demanding them to come home just because you want come over? like the world revolves around you just because you are the elder one.
if there is nobody at home or wants to go out, then go somewhere else or just go home then. anyway, do you have to wait for Hari Raya to visit your own siblings? what about the other ordinary days? this is not the true meaning of Hari Raya. true, it's the time to strengthen ties with both family and non-family (friends/colleagues/etc). but you don't have to do it only during this time. you can do it anytime. just because you are the elder it also doesn't mean you can demand those younger than you to respect you. you have to earn that respect and i'm sorry to say i've lost a little bit of respect to my uncle due to this. don't get me wrong. i will still greet him and show him respect as deserved to an elder, but what i feel towards him will not be the same. same goes to the cousins.
ok finally got that out of my chest now. take this with a pinch of salt. this is only what's in my mind. what you perceive of it may not be what i'm trying to say.

it's friday!!

how time flies. it's friday already. engine's still not oiled properly yet. i'm still in a holiday mood. note it's holiday mood, not Hari Raya mood.

lots to do at work but it's not done yet. everytime i get to doing it i'll start procrastinating yet again. and the new project engineer's not making things any easier. thought the current engineer is bad, the new one is starting to make my life a living hell all over again. he's trying to apply the private sector's method to the government sector. for this to work you have to start slow. he's trying to implement everything at once. i admit, the end result will tremendously help in our filing system, but only if the auditors will give our project a miss for now. just hope and pray that we won't get audited. this will definitely give us much more time and energy to implement it properly and not give us a headache. heheh...

ok need to ZZzzzZZ a while now. it's lunchtime already, and lunchtime is the time for me to do what i want. now what they want. that's the purpose of lunchtime right...

back at work

i'm back at work now. almost felt like taking another day off after being on leave for so long. but then if i were to feel this way everytime then i won't go anywhere right :)

spent the first half of the day clearing off my mails. even with my out of office notification turned on i still receive soooo much mails from friends. the same attachments sent from at least 3 different people. don't you understand the meaning of being out of office. i'm sure you wouldn't want to receive such huge mails when you are not in. i have to sort out the personal and official mails before i can start clearing them. sheesh...

Hari Raya was ok. lots of houses i went to had lesser cookies than last year. and will you all please stop with, i quote, "Bila nak makan nasi minyak?" or "Ada bau nasi minyak ke belum ni?". you think it's easy nowadays to find a man? looking for fish in the market is much easier than looking for a life partner. i'm very happy as i am right now. why brood over something that you don't have? it's much better to be happy as you are, be it being single or with someone.

ok back to work now. happy working!!

it's the last day of Ramadhan

it's the last day of Ramadhan today. what have i done the past month? hmmm...sad to say not much. anyway, no use brooding over what's past. reflect on it and do better next time.

anyway to all muslim brothers and sisters : SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN, if there has been any mistakes on my part.

haven't done anything

the purpose of taking this whole week off is to help clean the house to prepare for Hari Raya. so far, all i've done is just sweep the floor every other day and now i'm sick. it's really dusty here and i have got a major nose block. started off with the sore throat associated with too much sneezing and now i feel like pulling off my nose off my face.

my sister coming back doesn't really help either. she just brought even more chaos into this already messy house. it's 5 days now and her stuff are still lying around here and there. finally started to cut the cloth to make the bottom of my Hari Raya outfit. hope to finish the whole suit by today. decided not to make any cookies or brownies cos it's too much of a bother now. didn't get any stuff ready and i can't be bothered to go and buy them now.

*portion deleted*
(what was i thinking??!!)

anyway, this is only what i'm feeling now. i'm entitled to be feel whatever i want. don't say anything cause it won't make any difference. i am what i am.

4 down...12 more to go

finished exams for this semester. took only 1 module so i'm free till the next lesson that starts on 24th Nov. so that will give me about 3 weeks of free time to relax my brains.

lots to do now. first is to sew the bottom of my Hari Raya outfit. next clean the house. then maybe i'll consider baking cookies for Hari Raya. don't have the celebration mood to celebrate Hari Raya anymore nowadays. it's just not the same as last time. maybe it's all the stress from work and night classes, i don't know.

anyway, will be free from work till 16th Nov. clearing my annual leave. now that i can't commute my leave to receive salary, might as well clear it now. it's the best time. can spend it resting during the fast.

:(:(:(:(

i have a swollen gum right now and the right side of my head feels like there's something/somebody pounding on it, inside and outside.

what a timing. i want, or should i say, i need to study now. i have an exam paper to take on thursday and i'm not finished revising. really wish the pain will go away :(

on leave from tomorrow

another 16 mins and i'm out of here. will be on leave and will come back to work on 16th Nov. no more mood to do anymore work for the most difficult person i've ever met.

said there'll be an audit on the quality file next week. well go and do it yourself now since u said i'm not systematic. i don't know how systematic you want it to be. never had any problems with other engineers. anyway there's a new engineer here who's very knowlegdeable of quality filing. hope he's not as fussy as this guy.

ok that's all for now folks. will update again from home if i feel like it...heheh..